When Enough is Enough?

 

 

Life has its ways of twisting and winding taking us on a road we never expect. It is an exciting world, life is full of love and joy, ups and downs. Weird things happen and 2020 has been something out of a science fiction novel. We bob along on our merry way quite nicely for the most part, muddling along, minding our own business. Then BAM! Life decides you need another lesson to learn and it certainly a revelation when too much adventure having can really take its toll.

Luckily during lockdown Mummy was quite busy with work, it kept her occupied with some none related Zuma the Dog projects (I must state that she’s really very naughty for not working on me) and some money dripping in why others struggle to pay their rent. We felt fortunate to be able to spend longer together as a family pack, working, playing, growing free food in the garden, and generally having a nice time. As lockdown eased, we all crawled out of hibernation and that’s when reality slapped Mummy across the face with a wet fish. Now, my Mummy has been through some stuff in her time. She is a tough old bird. She has survived domestic violence, she manages autoimmune disease, which can sometimes leave her chronically fatigued for weeks, just to mention a couple of things, but grief is a new one for her.

We lost the matriarch of our family pack last month. Nanny Zuma the Dog.

While she had been ill for some time. The last couple of months she was doing well. Covid had kept us apart since March. None of the usual visits could take place. The monthly flights were put on hold and all reduced to regular phone calls and a video call once a week. It was difficult, but Mummy knew Nanny was in the right place, being cared for properly and judging by their last video call Nanny looked happy and as lucid as she had been in months. Making jokes, laughing, and gossiping as any normal mother daughter relationship. The new meds were working, Yay! And everything was great. Her departure from this world just a few days later was completely unexpected. I had never seen Mummy so upset. The loss of a parent is something we all go through and no matter how much we think we prepare; the grief hits you like a truck. Crawling and crying with dangling snot. It’s not a good look for Mummy, but I understand the emotions overtook her every being and for a while she was just not herself. Emotional relief at times like this is essential. I get very emosh when I lose my ball. Oh the grief,………….that I put the famalam through. So, I can relate.

 

I guess grief has several stages?

 Mummy pulled herself together for the practical things. With Auntie Zuma the Dog living in the US. Us in Switzerland and Nanny in the UK a clear head was needed to organise and make decisions via three different time zones and the Covid pandemic. Another layer that life threw our way to overcome. We must remain thankful that Mummy and Auntie Zuma the Dog are very close. While some families break down at times like this my family pack pulled together, leant on each other, loved on each other, consoled each other, which goes to show that distance should never be a factor in family breakdowns. Both Mummy and Auntie worked together in their grief. Dealing with decisions, working on solutions, with practical minds they coped. It only seemed like the little things would set Mummy off. Making the big decisions for the coffin, the flowers, music, the eulogy, didn’t seem to faze her. It was the video call from an old friend, the quiet moment at dinner in a restaurant. Little moments like that which turned her back into a dribbling wreck.

 

Is that normal for grief?

 

It’s been six weeks since Nanny crossed the rainbow bridge. In that time Mummy had to drive across Europe twice and take two flights, all to ensure her Mummy had a good send off, while in a Pandemic and socially distancing during a time when all that’s needed is a hug. Since her return the twists have not stopped and believe life hasn’t yet given her the opportunity to grieve properly. I can see in her eyes, the past couple of months have weighed down on her and I can’t help thinking its time for her to think about her mental health and slow down. Something must give and I am not going to allow anxiety not caused by me creep in. (Note to self: Be nicer and more helpful to Mummy).

 

Can the lack of time to grieve play on ones mental health? Can emotional upset from many different incidences over a period of years be a factor of poor metal health? I guess, for now time will tell and I will most definitely be keeping an eye on my human Mummy.

 

With this last note, I remember Nanny Zuma the Dog with love in my doggy heart. She took care of me when Mummy was away and despite destroying many of her shoes, she loved me unconditionally. I will hold on to her forever in my heart. RIP Nanny Zuma the Dog.

 

Much Love 

Zuma XX

 

P.S. Many exciting things going on. So next time we will return to a post that’s more about me, myself and I

It's Anti-bullying Week.

Bullying and gender stereotypes are precursors to larger social issues such as domestic violence. My puppy life exposed me to conflict where my human Mummy couldn’t always be there to protect me. I was loved dearly and the only way Mummy felt she could protect me, and the rest of my family was to pluck up the courage to move far, far away, so that we could make a new life and recover from our trauma.

As an experienced survivor of bullying, I love learning languages and is a stand against bullying. I am all about healthy communication and helping my friends to feel understood and to understand them. My understanding and use of foreign language and experience in living within different cultures and difficult situations gives me compassion and the ability to understand others and resolve issues quickly. I want to show the world what I have learnt and share my experiences to help others, so they don’t have to experience what I did.

I believe that by teaching children, with the help from my pals, about healthy communication, conflict resolution and acceptance of diversity, we will break down traditional gender stereotypes and learn about equality and consent. Creating healthy relationships while raising good self-esteem and eliminate bullying from the inside out.

It’s only by educating children from an early age that we can create a loving and tolerant generation and put an end to bullying and I will aim to be that role model of love, tolerance and the anti-bullying go to for children.

‘A bully won’t stop until his mindset is dropped.’

Much Love

Zuma XX

A more serious personal note from Mummy

This weekend marks the 10th anniversary since I was violently attacked for the last time in my own home by the one person who vowed to protect me. It was the last time he would physically attack me, although the mental abuse continued to follow years after we divorced. After surgery to repair the damage he caused to my face, I laid in my hospital bed for days baffled as to how, me, a successful, intelligent woman from a middle class background would find myself in this situation. Every day since, I run the events over in my head trying to figure out a way in which I could have reacted differently to prevent such an attack. It was not the first, though I made sure (as he was so close to ending my life) that it would be the last. I live with the memories of that horrific day and the others that lead up to that final attack everyday and although diagnosed with PTDS, I will never allow what he did to me rule my life and take credit for what I have become. Unfortunately my perpetrator went on to attack others leaving them also with terrible emotional and physical scars and because of the amazing UK justice system, this man is still walking the streets (that's a whole other conversation). 

The point I would like to make is that we all go through difficult times, but it's what you take from those experiences and make them work for you is what counts. Life is a series of lessons and its about owning them and learning from them no matter how terrible and using them for your own personal growth. Yes, I still have nightmares and there are times where to go out of the front door makes me want to vomit, but I will never allow one persons heinous actions depict how I live my life, after all it was him with the problem. My therapy is to keep pushing forward with my business to make it a success. I know seeing my brand on TV and in stores all over the world will be a constant reminder to him of what he did. He will never get away from it and my revenge (for want of a better word) is success within my personal and professional life.  

Domestic violence does not discriminate. The after effects do not disappear. I WILL always speak out about my experience because I have nothing to be ashamed of. It's about education, speaking out and breaking down barriers to stamp out domestic violence and bullying of any kind.This experience lead me to write my books, create my award winning brand  and character everyone loves and take me on an incredible journey. I am proud of that! 

I am proud of me!

 #stopdomesticviolence
#metoo

A Return to a More Serious Note

As I am nearing my four year anniversary since moving to Portugal I can’t help thinking about how much I have changed and grown as a dog. If you recall the post I wrote three years ago entitled “A more serious note” (15^th March 2013), about coping with the aftermath of domestic violence and how Mummy was seeking help for my behaviour while dealing with her own trauma. You would read how difficult times had become.

My life in England was very different. In my early years I was witness to a lot of unpleasant things. Lots of shouting and hiding in small places, violence and aggression. Things no puppy should ever see. When Mummy wasn’t around the unpleasant attention was geared towards me. I learnt early on that I needed to be there for Mummy and we formed a very close bond protecting each other. At two years old the dynamics in our home changed with the removal of our abuser, but being so used to playing the role of Mummy’s protector, traumatised and constantly being on a high state of alert I became aggressive and with this came isolation because I was not trusted to behave in public.

Fast forward four years and with love, kindness, understanding, persistence and a whole lot of therapy; Mummy truly believes I am a different dog. No need to be muzzled and kept on the leash. No need to be kept away from others. Instead of the dog that picks the fight, I am the dog who shows others how to behave. Of course I’m not perfect and I will always be there to protect my home and my family and if a puppy decides to steal my ball at the beach I WILL tell them off, but life is certainly a lot easier.

Daily Doggy Beach Party With My Buddies

Perhaps it’s because I am older and wiser, calmer, more experienced? I now have many doggy friends, who I learn from as well as teach. Time is a great healer as they say. Look at me now! I am the inspiration for the latest kids character and I even have my own children's digital series coming out soon. I am a star!

We are the lucky ones. Unlike so many, we are survivor's of Domestic Violence and it's now our reasonability to speak out against it and stop these terrible acts.

Thank you Mummy for not giving up on me.

Much Love

Zuma XX